My shoes are falling apart, My flag falls off a pole, My window hits a rock, My wall has got a hole, For a $1.95 I can go to any decent store in america and purchase the one thing required to fix ALL THESE ITEMS DUCT TAPE Mr. Fix-it On a Roll DUCT TAPE Patches any hole DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE If you can't fix it with DUCT TAPE... IT AIN'T BROKE I was out in california the other day when ALL OF THE SUDDEN WHAM! Great Grandpappy Earthquake, 122.5 on the Richter scale... I saw this HUGE CRACK running down the street and FRISCO was sliding into the bay... I whipped out my handy roll of DUCT TAPE and taped that sucker shut RIGHT THERE... saved MILLIONS... AAAHHHHHHHH DUCT TAPE Mr. Fix-it On a Roll DUCT TAPE Patches any hole DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE If you can't fix it with DUCT TAPE... IT AIN'T BROKE I was cruising through Norfolk last week watching some guys in a Monkey-Vomit-Green-Yugo yell at some Bimbo... When K-RASH... Slammed right into some big land yacht... ripped the front right off my VW Beetle. Now...most people would have called a tow truck, but nooo not me... I had it back on the road in minutes with a few feet of...AAAHHHHH DUCT TAPE Mr. Fix-it On a Roll DUCT TAPE Patches any hole DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE If you can't fix it with DUCT TAPE... IT AIN'T BROKE Last summer a bunch of us got bored and drove out to Europe for some excitement... After drinking all the wine in France and most of the beer in Germany, we headed up to Holland to get some flowers to take home. While we were there a highly accurate Iraqi SCUD missile aimed at Israel went a little off course a blew a hole in the largest dike in the country, The citizens paniced and ran but me and my friends knew what to do... AHHHHHH DUCT TAPE Mr. Fix-it On a Roll DUCT TAPE Patches any hole DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE DUCT TAPE If you can't fix it with DUCT TAPE... IT AIN'T BROKE Car gets a flat DUCT TAPE Teeth need cleaning DUCT TAPE Hair to long DUCT TAPE Roof Leaks DUCT TAPE Cut off an Arm DUCT TAPE Kinky Sex DUCT TAPE Pet bird trys to fly DUCT TAPE Open Heart Surgery DUCT TAPE Need a Straightjacket DUCT TAPE Talking to much DUCT TAPE Hey... what are you guys doing with that Hey... get away from me with that CUT THAT... We have heard the word of God... And it is DUCTTAPE < final guitar riffs > Ducttape (c) Copyright 1990 Thomas L. Arnold / Dumpster Nirvhana Music